I love this song by Jacob Johnson. It is beautiful and feels poignant and has been playing in my head.
Today is my last day as Annette in God of Carnage for Crane River Theater in Kearney, NE. It has been a beautiful ride, and I am ready to get back to my husband. I miss him like crazy. Real-life is calling and I have to answer it.
I will admit to having some conflicting emotions as well.
The theater is such a special place. For those who love it, acting is breathing. It is a moment to be. For me, it is when my brain is most clear. I am creative. I am content. What a lovely, ephemeral, world.
Seriously, I have exercised, played my guitar, and written. All those things I have to fight to make time for, I just do. Oh, my gracious it is great!
I had a great group to work with on this go around, and so the three weeks I had have flown by like a flash of lightning. It always works like that. Someone pieces together this little family and you build this rapport. It is as if all of you have found shared stress and anxiety to be your love language. In a dark, usually dirty, room there comes light and life. For one brief, beautiful moment, it is beautiful. Like lightning or a firework.
Sure there are mistakes. Cues are missed, props or sets are broken, and people fall. But it is all part of the glorious nature of theater.
My husband knows of the tears shed when the show is over. I need some time to mourn. Maybe it is silly. I always felt things very deeply.
You build this person, this character, and suddenly you have to let that go. You get in this groove, and as suddenly as it started it is over. It's hard. I have trouble "letting the beauty die" as it were. There is also knowing that this may be the last time I see these people, and I get attached. For someone who can't stand people I really do love the ones I find.
I am separating from my stage family again. Yes, there is Facebook and I will be stalking all of them when I can. Yes, there is hope that I will find myself in this little town doing another show with some of the same familiar faces. There is hope I will keep expanding this weird family. I hope. I hope. I hope.