Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Confessions of a G-List Actress: AND I WOULD DRIVE 500 MILES...

So, the past two weeks have been insane.  Mostly because a large portion of these days have been spent driving.

Yes, driving.  Because I am poor and airlines are expensive.  So I took off two weekends of work to drive way more than a human being should.  Starting Monday the 8th.

I woke up at 7:30 am and then drove 13 hours to Memphis.   Yes, the very city Elvis was referring to when he sang the song, "In the Ghetto."

13 hours of driving is a long drive.  Seriously, had I gone crazy it would have only taken me 2 more 13 hour days to get to LA.  Next time.  Did you know that in Tennessee there is a law stating that at every exit there must be a Cracker Barrel?  Neither did I til I took I-40 all the way to Memphis.  Yep, every single exit had a Cracker Barrel.  Hungry?  No?  Well don't worry, I am sure you can find some great southern food at the next exit.  Apparently, Cracker Barrel are like Starbucks.  I actually saw a Cracker Barrel, across the street from another Cracker Barrel.

Another odd thing about the LONG state of Tennessee, there are countless country stations, and not a single one of them comes in clear.  It's like all their stars are playing by the ocean.  Good Grief!

Oh I would love to see this view I found on Wikipedia.


After a REALLY LONG DAY I GET TO MEMPHIS.  Oh don't get me wrong, Memphis is really neat.  There is a great view of the Mississippi, that I never get to take in, because I always drive there and have just enough cash to pay for two days of staying in the hotel where the auditions are being held.  But it is also really dirty.  Seriously, someone always gets mugged while attending UPTA.  Usually some guy who thought he was bad enough to walk from a restaurant on his own.  He will be sober, but the people beating him nearly to death, won't be.

UPTA is in the SHERATON downtown.  Great hotel.  The only nuisance is there is NO FREE PARKING.  I am too tired after the long drive to go looking for a place to park, so I valet.  The hotel room is so nice, and Sheratons have the BEST BEDS EVER!

YAY UPTA. United Professional Theater Alliance.  The place to audition if you love to do theater.  Yes THEATER, Film's more deserving, less pretentious cousin.  I love both equally.  But, film is a director's medium and theater is an actor's medium, but I digress.

The boyfriend is with me and we are starving.  Hey let's walk to Beale Street.  Gotta be something there.   So we walk the ten blocks, looking at whatever appears to be open and offer food.  Astonishingly there is not really much open at 8:45 on a Monday.  Beale is mostly bars but now Walking in Memphis is playing in my head on full blast.  Likely this is exhaustion.  We start to walk back, thinking maybe the Sheraton Hotel Restaurant will be open.

We quickly run into this little place called Automatic Slims.  Oh, the Brisket was to die for.  I love BBQ.  I don't think I have inhaled food that quickly in a long time.  We walk back and already the mugging has happened.  There is a kid with a huge bandage on his head and he looks really out of it.  I actually see an old boss of mine and we chat a bit.  It is always great to run into someone you know.  I hadn't talked to Joe in years.  Got a free beer out of it too.  By the time I get back to my room, I shower and pass out.  I actually don't recall falling asleep that night.

The next day I dress and go to my audition.  I had been given the wrong number online and was actually in the last group on the last day.  Bummer.  I sat in the waiting room for three hours before getting to audition and only had about thirty people to watch me, as opposed to the hundred there usually are.  Bummer.  I do get some callbacks, though, which is nice.  The callbacks are short and I hope very much to be involved in something.

So, after a total of 30 minutes of hotel TV, which is great TV by the way, I pass out again and I wake up at 9:30 the next day.  Another 13-hour drive and I am home, only to work my butt off in CPR classes and bartending.  I do about 3 auditions during the week and at the end of that wonder is my next trip.


Yes, Connooga.  Not a 13-hour drive, but, isn't 7 hours enough one way.  Logically at this point, I could have driven to LA.  

Friday February 19th I pack myself, boyfriend, roommate, and Doctor Who memorabilia, into my car and we drive to Chatanooga, TN.  We get there just in time to set up our vendor table and take a few donations before the dealer room shuts down.  We manage to have the patience to wait 45 minutes for a table in one of three places you can eat at within walking distance of our hotel room.  Great Burgers at the Terminal, but we were going to eat at stir the next night if it killed us.

A day of Doctor Who promotion and British dialecting later, and we are able to get an idea of what people want to see in their Doctor Who fan film.  Now I just want to sleep but we have a table at STIR, where I spend over $100 on food (totally worth every cent) drink and dessert.  We go to some room parties and I pass out once more at an early, 1 AM.

I have plenty more I could tell.  But I am still trying to rest up and I don't actually recall 90% of the past 2 weeks.  I guess that is just #actorlife.  Yeah, even I feel like a jerk hashtagging that.  Who came up with hashtagging acting?  Honestly?  Must have been someone who needed attention and wasn't getting any.