Bitter Loggings from an Optimistic Actress: Death and Actors

This is just something that has been weighing on my mind and it isn't in response to any single performer, it has been building up over the weeks and months and years.

Another artist I knew from the performance community took his life today.  I hadn't seen him since I worked at Tweetsie Railroad in the infancy of my 20s.  I don't recall if I was 20 or 21 but it was a while back.  He was quiet and reserved but I remember chatting with him on breaks and laughing.  I remember him as a kind soul and enjoyed my tenure with him.

It is sad to see that life go away so soon.  And he was one of over ten this year.

He wasn't first (and sadly won't be the last) and I couldn't help but finally google the statistic of people in the arts industry who commit suicide.  When I typed in actor deaths it immediately jumped to every celebrity in existence that has ever committed suicide and the statistics on that.  

I do mourn those people.  I mourn the Hoffmans and Williams of the world who only lived to perform.  There is something amazing about those people who have shone so brightly and burned out far too early.  It is tragic and heart wrenching.  

Even more so, I mourn those who passed trying to get there.  Who loved the arts and had a voice and heart for acting who didn't get to explore that part of themselves to the fullest because the business is cruel and unyeilding.  Those who were told to grin and bear the rejection one too many times.  Those who had to pick eating over their art once too often.  Those who had to pick another life because the constant barrage of next time got to be too much.

I wondered why so many of our teachers told us "if you can do something else and be okay, do that."  I see why now.  When I finally found the statistic for people in entertainment who commit suicide it was terrifying.  In 1999 over 15% of the 45000 suicides were people working in the arts.  That is astounding.  Currently, the arts are listed on the CDC as in the top 15 jobs where suicide predominatly occurs.  You know what else is listed in the top 15?  Medical.  Most of the actors I know, myself included, are in the medical field trying to keep the dream alive.  We also teach and write and bartend.  We have a ton of side hustles because life is only getting more expensive and the dream is really hard.

Even the actors who have "made it" are not full time actors.  Most of them have a clothing line, a restaurant, line of cosmetics.  I mean Mark Wahlburg has, I think six, side hustles because he knows how fleeting acting can be.

All I want to do is act is just not feasible.  And our hearts break for that.

I don't blame those who think life is just too much.  It can be.  Rest well friends, because you deserve the rest you couldn't get on this earth. 

For those of you still with us...

No matter where you are or what career you have; You are heard.  You are loved.  You are (K)enough.