Bitter Bloggings From an Optimistic Actress: Do you play Basketball?
I get annoyed when I am strung along. Don't get me wrong it rarely happens, but it still does happen.
I have been told on regular occasions I was getting a callback over and over and over again and then I found out later the callback happened without me. That makes me mad.
I hate being told I am getting a callback and then finding out the director had already chosen to hire his girlfriend. Ooh that burns me up.
I hate driving to auditions and going through the process only to find out later someone else who didn't even get a callback was cast. I will spit nails if that happens.
Above all, I hate people, who have a specific look in mind, who call me in to judge me for no good reason at all. They were looking for a brunette and they call me in.
Me:Umm, weren't you looking for this?
Them:Get to this audition you are perfect!
Me:Alright, I am here after an eight hour drive and no sleep!
Them:Oh, you aren't what we expected.
It's a waste of my time.
I hate driving all the way to auditions only to be told, "I am sorry, we thought you'd be *taller, shorter, brunette, african american, older, a one eyed one horned flying purple people eater*"
Now my resume has all the information on it that they need on height, hair color, eye color, weight race. If they are unsure there is a website that says EVERYTHING ABOUT ME. Yet somehow I get dragged several hours away to be told ridiculous things.
I know people are really hard pressed to get someone to change the color of their hair for a part, even though you can buy hair mousse that will wash out in one wash. Yes to change eye color you have to buy contact lenses. Ladies, please be open to changing your look. You may find you look better as a brunette or blond. I will bleach, dye, shave, wax, paint, gain or lose whatever you want me to. I will never tell anyone to make a drastic change to their body that is unhealthy. So many actors are going through really severe diets and binge eating to get and keep parts. It's not healthy, but it is their body and they have control of that.
I have control of my hair, eye color, and weight. What can I not control? How tall I am!
I am six feet tall. It is annoying enough as it is. Do you know how many times a day I hear the following? Wow, you're tall! Do you play basketball? To this I grit my teeth to avoid saying something rude. Oh wow, you're really short. Do you play mini golf? Are you a member of a union with the other oompa loompas or do you just labor for chocolate? Was Snow White hard to deal with? Do I call you a little person or is that politically incorrect? Aww look at the widdle munchkin. Who's a cute little short stack? I just wanna gobble you up like the little short cake you are. I don't but some days I REALLY WANT TO!
After the basketball question, if they are aware I am dating someone, the next statement is often, "Wow,
your boyfriend must be really tall!" As a matter of fact, according to this chart he is average. At 5' 9 1/2" he is the height of the average American male. The average female is only 5'5" tall. I will get into why this can be problematic later, but for now, yes, my boyfriend is shorter than I am. Do I really care. No? I like to wear heels around him just to be a head and shoulders taller than he is. He likes my height and finds it attractive. In fact, through my life I have been hard pressed to find a tall guy who isn't already dating a super short girl. I wonder why? *wink wink nudge nudge* Most of my boyfriends have been shorter than I am. Why? Height has never been an issue. Kinda why most of my exes have failed to be super-models. It was never that important. A brain was always more attractive to me than a guy who could wear the tight suit and smolder. I can find plenty of men who can flex and bench press me. Where is the guy who is smarter than I am? I wanna date him. Where is the guy who can make me laugh? I wanna hang with him. Has that ever ended up being a really tall guy? On an occasion or two. But the head hugs happen often and they never seem to mind. Short or tall it's all the same heaven to me.
Of course I get the, you must be a model type comments. Flattering I will say, but I am actually considered "fat" by model standards. Oh I have the height. But they want you to be tall and never eat anything or to have a metabolism that defies the laws of physics. Or, if you are older, you are allowed to be up to an 8, but then you are modeling mom clothes. I know technically I could be a mom being 30 and all. People won't hire me as a mom, they say I look too young. I was told by an agency I could be a plus size model. I have the bikini bridge but not the thigh gap. I wear a 6 by the way. A 4 in dresses. Yup, that's me, plus size all the way. My plus size friends are very sexy and voluptuous women and it is slightly offensive to them that the models who model their clothes are between a 6 and a 10. The women modeling the clothes are actually wearing a much smaller version of the clothes they might want to buy. Most plus size models have never been "plus size" in their lives. But I digress.
I also get, your lucky, all those super cute clothes look great on you. No, they don't. I can't fit into normal clothes. My torso is a full 4 inches longer than the average female's and my legs are about 4-6 inches longer. That adorable knee length dress, is a shirt on me. That skin tight tailored dress, well there is a big bulge on my waist where the hips of the dress should be. Trends are never my friends. If I find a pair of pants that fit my butt they are WAY too short. Thank goodness for the current trend of leggings and boots. They don't fit, but they conceal the fact the trend doesn't technically fit. Those leggings, often times, hit me mid to lower calf and I can buy some really tall boots (knees highs for the average female) and they will just barely cover what is exposed of my calf. Long jeans were meant for teenage girls with no butt. In fact I don't think anyone takes into effect hips on women. I have a 28 in waist and 42 inch hips. There is 16 inches of butt behind me to go along with the extra leg? Do people take this into consideration? Clothes were meant for shorter people. If this was the 90's I would be in great shape, because no matter what I am rocking the midriff shirt. And I know that sometimes it stinks because shorter people have to have clothes taken to a tailor to be shortened. There is only so much fabric in those hems, they can't let out more fabric than is in the hem. I used to have to add fabric to the bottom of my pants so they would be long enough. No way to make that look cool.
We never got to grow out of that awkward phase where our limbs won't submit completely to our will. It just doesn't happen. I know being short stinks but at least you don't hit your head on ceiling fans.
Beyond these silly things that get in the way. Beyond the cold extremities and bumped heads there is this...
Without fail, if I have not met a casting director before, I walk through the door and there is a wide eyed exclamation of "WOW YOU'RE TALL!"
From that point on some have stared at me like I am going to grow another foot.
One thing I will never ever get? I will never get why some of these casting directors will not take the time to flip the headshot over and look at my height. I am six feet tall. Do they think I am lying about this? And of all things to lie about, why that? If I was going to lie I would be making myself shorter. Do they not realize how tall 6 feet is? Did they not find it odd that when I did my full body shot in my audition there was an excessive amount of wall behind me?
It is a little unfair, I admit. Often times my height is a hindrance more than a help. Why? Because of the men auditioning with me.
The auditioning process, which is already unfair and biased against people of my gender, weight, and age, becomes that much harder when you are head a shoulders above the people you are auditioning with.
We all know Hollywood, and in fact a large portion of this industry, gives most of it's jobs to men. Some stats say women get as few as 18% of the roles. And of those roles 78% are sexualized. So basically if a film is casting 100 people, odds are, only 18 of them will be female. And of those 18 actresses, 14 of them will be running around in their underwear (if they get to wear that at all through the film) making out with one another and groping themselves explicitly. The other 4 will likely be 3 women in their 40's playing mothers and Meryl Streep.
When walking into a room I try my best to find the tallest man to act with. Why? Because the societal norm is that when you are romantically involved with someone the man must be taller. There are very few occasions when you, as a female are allowed to be taller than the man. Why? Because in film it is more important that you look like a couple than you act like a couple.
When I was in college I was told by professors they couldn't cast me because I was going to be taller than the guy I was playing opposite of. I actually lost parts because I was going to have to lean down to kiss the man I was acting with. I had a CD tell me, you are so talented but I can't pair you with anyone. So my ability to portray this part rests on the fact I might be taller than the guy I am supposed to be into? Am I alone in recognizing the inconsistency here? I was asked to leave a studio feature film set where I agreed to be an extra, all because they said I stood out due to my height. Background can't do that.
There is an ideal height difference that some casting directors look for. Think of it as an ideal kissing height. Ever noticed how the women in most films are just tall enough to have have to stand on their toes to kiss the man? This makes the guy look really masculine and the girl looks very demur and sweet. This is no accident. They pair actors together for this ideal image. The female's eyeline is about at the line of the man's lips. This is the perfect height combination.
If they can't find the ideal height, they will allow for the man to be a lot taller than the woman. This allows for a moment of comedy as the girl stretches to kiss her man. It's kinda cute. And if she needs to be protected, the girl doesn't have to lean over to bury her head into the bosom of the strong man who will save her from all the bad things in the world. Because no woman will ever date a man who is shorter than she is unless he's in a wheelchair.
Only in two cases will they allow the woman to naturally be taller.
In the case of a really nerdy guy. You want them to laugh at the poor guy so the woman is allowed to be taller. Peeta from Hunger Games or Seymour in Little Shop of Horrors are meant to be emasculated, humiliated, and laughed at, and sometimes, even saved by a girl. I kid you not, if you watch the film Little Shop of Horrors, once Seymour has saved Audrey from the plant, they do some camera angling to make Rick Moranis look taller than Ellen Greene. From that point on in the film, Audrey is shorter. Up until then she can stare over his head and she has to lean over to kiss him.
Also, let's say you have a real jerk or character who is supposed to have some sort of Napoleon complex. Yeah, that guy can be shorter than the female.
Or you can be a mom or older sister...but that is another story altogether.
My boyfriend and I are actors. We very often avoid telling casting directors we are dating. CDs don't like casting people in a relationship on a film. If the couple has a fight there can be a problem. Whether the CDs know or not, I have lost parts due to my boyfriend's height. If he has been cast in a part, the fact I am taller has lost me the part. A CD for a particular film actually told me I wasn't going to be hired because none of the men cast were tall enough for me and finding someone would take too long.
I want to be the fly on the wall for some of these conversations. Hey, let's not hire the talented tall girl. That would look weird. The director would have to take the time to make the man appear taller.
It gets worse when you are dealing with network CDs who have to think of the image of the celebrities on TV and in film. It is unlikely I will ever be on Sleepy Hollow, unless they need an Amazon woman. Why? I am taller than their lead female. Nicole wears heels in every scene since she is only 5'1". Even height in a non-sexual partnership is taken into consideration.
Not saying there aren't amazing tall women in Hollywood. They have beaten the odds and are SO VERY LUCKY. I am doing better than most. So to all my tall girls out there. Are you taller than the boys? Can you reach the top shelf? Here is my advice. Stand straight. Love Yourself. Learn your craft and be the best at it so they have no excuse to not hire you. And if they don't hire you and they give you an excuse, that's all it is. An excuse. And you don't have time for excuses.
I have been told on regular occasions I was getting a callback over and over and over again and then I found out later the callback happened without me. That makes me mad. I hate being told I am getting a callback and then finding out the director had already chosen to hire his girlfriend. Ooh that burns me up.
I hate driving to auditions and going through the process only to find out later someone else who didn't even get a callback was cast. I will spit nails if that happens.
Above all, I hate people, who have a specific look in mind, who call me in to judge me for no good reason at all. They were looking for a brunette and they call me in.
Me:Umm, weren't you looking for this?
Them:Get to this audition you are perfect!
Me:Alright, I am here after an eight hour drive and no sleep!
Them:Oh, you aren't what we expected.
It's a waste of my time.
I hate driving all the way to auditions only to be told, "I am sorry, we thought you'd be *taller, shorter, brunette, african american, older, a one eyed one horned flying purple people eater*"
Now my resume has all the information on it that they need on height, hair color, eye color, weight race. If they are unsure there is a website that says EVERYTHING ABOUT ME. Yet somehow I get dragged several hours away to be told ridiculous things.
"Your headshot made me think you were a brunette." "You have blue eyes?" "Wow you look young in person." While these are things I can easily change; hair dye and contacts. There is one thing I can't change that people are somehow shocked to find at every turn. My height.
I have control of my hair, eye color, and weight. What can I not control? How tall I am!
I am six feet tall. It is annoying enough as it is. Do you know how many times a day I hear the following? Wow, you're tall! Do you play basketball? To this I grit my teeth to avoid saying something rude. Oh wow, you're really short. Do you play mini golf? Are you a member of a union with the other oompa loompas or do you just labor for chocolate? Was Snow White hard to deal with? Do I call you a little person or is that politically incorrect? Aww look at the widdle munchkin. Who's a cute little short stack? I just wanna gobble you up like the little short cake you are. I don't but some days I REALLY WANT TO!
After the basketball question, if they are aware I am dating someone, the next statement is often, "Wow,
Of course I get the, you must be a model type comments. Flattering I will say, but I am actually considered "fat" by model standards. Oh I have the height. But they want you to be tall and never eat anything or to have a metabolism that defies the laws of physics. Or, if you are older, you are allowed to be up to an 8, but then you are modeling mom clothes. I know technically I could be a mom being 30 and all. People won't hire me as a mom, they say I look too young. I was told by an agency I could be a plus size model. I have the bikini bridge but not the thigh gap. I wear a 6 by the way. A 4 in dresses. Yup, that's me, plus size all the way. My plus size friends are very sexy and voluptuous women and it is slightly offensive to them that the models who model their clothes are between a 6 and a 10. The women modeling the clothes are actually wearing a much smaller version of the clothes they might want to buy. Most plus size models have never been "plus size" in their lives. But I digress.I also get, your lucky, all those super cute clothes look great on you. No, they don't. I can't fit into normal clothes. My torso is a full 4 inches longer than the average female's and my legs are about 4-6 inches longer. That adorable knee length dress, is a shirt on me. That skin tight tailored dress, well there is a big bulge on my waist where the hips of the dress should be. Trends are never my friends. If I find a pair of pants that fit my butt they are WAY too short. Thank goodness for the current trend of leggings and boots. They don't fit, but they conceal the fact the trend doesn't technically fit. Those leggings, often times, hit me mid to lower calf and I can buy some really tall boots (knees highs for the average female) and they will just barely cover what is exposed of my calf. Long jeans were meant for teenage girls with no butt. In fact I don't think anyone takes into effect hips on women. I have a 28 in waist and 42 inch hips. There is 16 inches of butt behind me to go along with the extra leg? Do people take this into consideration? Clothes were meant for shorter people. If this was the 90's I would be in great shape, because no matter what I am rocking the midriff shirt. And I know that sometimes it stinks because shorter people have to have clothes taken to a tailor to be shortened. There is only so much fabric in those hems, they can't let out more fabric than is in the hem. I used to have to add fabric to the bottom of my pants so they would be long enough. No way to make that look cool.We never got to grow out of that awkward phase where our limbs won't submit completely to our will. It just doesn't happen. I know being short stinks but at least you don't hit your head on ceiling fans.
Beyond these silly things that get in the way. Beyond the cold extremities and bumped heads there is this...
Without fail, if I have not met a casting director before, I walk through the door and there is a wide eyed exclamation of "WOW YOU'RE TALL!"
From that point on some have stared at me like I am going to grow another foot.
One thing I will never ever get? I will never get why some of these casting directors will not take the time to flip the headshot over and look at my height. I am six feet tall. Do they think I am lying about this? And of all things to lie about, why that? If I was going to lie I would be making myself shorter. Do they not realize how tall 6 feet is? Did they not find it odd that when I did my full body shot in my audition there was an excessive amount of wall behind me?
It is a little unfair, I admit. Often times my height is a hindrance more than a help. Why? Because of the men auditioning with me.
The auditioning process, which is already unfair and biased against people of my gender, weight, and age, becomes that much harder when you are head a shoulders above the people you are auditioning with.
We all know Hollywood, and in fact a large portion of this industry, gives most of it's jobs to men. Some stats say women get as few as 18% of the roles. And of those roles 78% are sexualized. So basically if a film is casting 100 people, odds are, only 18 of them will be female. And of those 18 actresses, 14 of them will be running around in their underwear (if they get to wear that at all through the film) making out with one another and groping themselves explicitly. The other 4 will likely be 3 women in their 40's playing mothers and Meryl Streep.
When walking into a room I try my best to find the tallest man to act with. Why? Because the societal norm is that when you are romantically involved with someone the man must be taller. There are very few occasions when you, as a female are allowed to be taller than the man. Why? Because in film it is more important that you look like a couple than you act like a couple.When I was in college I was told by professors they couldn't cast me because I was going to be taller than the guy I was playing opposite of. I actually lost parts because I was going to have to lean down to kiss the man I was acting with. I had a CD tell me, you are so talented but I can't pair you with anyone. So my ability to portray this part rests on the fact I might be taller than the guy I am supposed to be into? Am I alone in recognizing the inconsistency here? I was asked to leave a studio feature film set where I agreed to be an extra, all because they said I stood out due to my height. Background can't do that.
There is an ideal height difference that some casting directors look for. Think of it as an ideal kissing height. Ever noticed how the women in most films are just tall enough to have have to stand on their toes to kiss the man? This makes the guy look really masculine and the girl looks very demur and sweet. This is no accident. They pair actors together for this ideal image. The female's eyeline is about at the line of the man's lips. This is the perfect height combination.
If they can't find the ideal height, they will allow for the man to be a lot taller than the woman. This allows for a moment of comedy as the girl stretches to kiss her man. It's kinda cute. And if she needs to be protected, the girl doesn't have to lean over to bury her head into the bosom of the strong man who will save her from all the bad things in the world. Because no woman will ever date a man who is shorter than she is unless he's in a wheelchair.
In the case of a really nerdy guy. You want them to laugh at the poor guy so the woman is allowed to be taller. Peeta from Hunger Games or Seymour in Little Shop of Horrors are meant to be emasculated, humiliated, and laughed at, and sometimes, even saved by a girl. I kid you not, if you watch the film Little Shop of Horrors, once Seymour has saved Audrey from the plant, they do some camera angling to make Rick Moranis look taller than Ellen Greene. From that point on in the film, Audrey is shorter. Up until then she can stare over his head and she has to lean over to kiss him.
Also, let's say you have a real jerk or character who is supposed to have some sort of Napoleon complex. Yeah, that guy can be shorter than the female.
Or you can be a mom or older sister...but that is another story altogether.
My boyfriend and I are actors. We very often avoid telling casting directors we are dating. CDs don't like casting people in a relationship on a film. If the couple has a fight there can be a problem. Whether the CDs know or not, I have lost parts due to my boyfriend's height. If he has been cast in a part, the fact I am taller has lost me the part. A CD for a particular film actually told me I wasn't going to be hired because none of the men cast were tall enough for me and finding someone would take too long.I want to be the fly on the wall for some of these conversations. Hey, let's not hire the talented tall girl. That would look weird. The director would have to take the time to make the man appear taller.
It gets worse when you are dealing with network CDs who have to think of the image of the celebrities on TV and in film. It is unlikely I will ever be on Sleepy Hollow, unless they need an Amazon woman. Why? I am taller than their lead female. Nicole wears heels in every scene since she is only 5'1". Even height in a non-sexual partnership is taken into consideration.
Not saying there aren't amazing tall women in Hollywood. They have beaten the odds and are SO VERY LUCKY. I am doing better than most. So to all my tall girls out there. Are you taller than the boys? Can you reach the top shelf? Here is my advice. Stand straight. Love Yourself. Learn your craft and be the best at it so they have no excuse to not hire you. And if they don't hire you and they give you an excuse, that's all it is. An excuse. And you don't have time for excuses.
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